Many girls with higher educational qualifications from a typical North Indian family background faces a patriarchal structure which is very unique and must be pondered upon.
Female subjugation is not a new phenomenon and it is there in the world since antiquity. But, nowadays we are witnessing a form of subjugation which is very different in structural framework. In past female were destituted from very basic rights like education, property, political rights and various social evils like sati, child marriage and dowry were there to tarnish their existence. But these evil practices were fought and triumphed with the advent of Renaissance.
Nowadays when our society claims to be ‘modern’ and ‘progressive’ one, they no doubt at some level excelled in providing females their rights, education and empowerment but with certain terms and conditions :-
Firstly, with all the knowledge and awareness young girls particularly in North Indian families are nurtured and brought up in such a way that they dare not be outspoken about their views and opinions. They are more or less trained to be silent and submissive when it comes to present their point of view or to demand to live for their rights. And if a small fraction of these girls are erudite enough to acknowledge their worth and present it to the world are labelled as ‘sharp’ and ‘discourteous’. Our very progressive society manufacture girls with rational thinking abilities but without tongue. Encourage them with fancy words like ‘decent’ or ‘well mannered’.
Secondly, In this modern society dowry is still prevalent but with a twisting approach . When the other party demands dowry what is ridiculously interesting is that the girl who are educated enough to understand dowry as a evil practice but still be fine with it without objecting once because from childhood it is injected in their minds that the more (wealth) she will take with herself the more love and respect she will get from her In-laws and husband. Obviously, the same is not with all the girls but most of the girls are nurtured in this way so that this evil practice goes on forever.
Thirdly, the men with white collared job who think of themselves as an ‘achiever’ as if they have conquered the world while looking for a bride want a girl who is educated, beautiful with a pinch of cuteness and everything else a good wife needs to have. They marry a passionate, empowered girls only to show off and when their quest of ranting and showing off ended they demand from the same girl to leave their passion /job /dream and take care of his family and be a good wife. Before marriage he does not want the girls to be a good cook or to know the art of home making but after marriage same men want their wives to have all these qualities because according to them that’s their real duty is. The society do not for once object the hypocrisy of men but demand from the girls to obey their husbands will. And in accompanying their partner these girls give them a consent to be a hegemon of their life. It can be understood by Antonio Gramsci (A neo-Marxist thinker) theory of ‘Hegemony by consent’ in which few developed countries exploit developing nations by various means of consents.
And lastly, girls from the very beginning are taught to look after their physical appearance – ‘besan’ (gram flour) is very prevalent in Indian society to teach their daughters to apply and enhance their beauty. But they do not even once clearly make them understand that beauty lies in good character and not fair look. Parents do not teach their daughters to be true to themselves and towards other and they do not teach them that no matter what the circumstances are don’t loose your self – identity just to be nice in other persons eyes whether it is your husband.
The patriarchal structure of society cannot be overthrown all of a sudden. In all the above stated points their lies the consent of the girls. So the need of the hour is for girls to understand that decency doesn’t lies in complete submissions. They should be bold enough to fearlessly present their perspectives about anything and everything and they must be well aware about their boundaries of obligations.
Secondly, in obeying their husbands a women should not loose her own self and should try to build their world with mutual consensus and not by one sided hegemony.
And the last advice is for patriarchal society that if you are giving your daughters the arms of existence and passion then do not compel her to be a silent spectator in watching the murder of her own will. It is same like teaching a bird to fly and then cut her wings and shut her down in the cage. LET HER FLY.
Neha Perween is a student of MA political science Aligarh Muslim University.
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