Approximately 4% of the population is born with brain anomalies that cause them to be narcissists. In dysfunctional societies, the number of people with this orientation can rise to be as high as around 20%. Partly this increase is due to certain desirable values and norms eroding for some individuals as they advance in age. Then they increasingly become comfortable with their abnormality.
In any case, most persons can assume that during their lives, they will meet one or more others with this self-absorbed and dreadful affliction. The encounter is practically guaranteed just as it is inevitable that psychological counseling will seldom have an influence upon the abusive narcissist.
To identify the traits and behaviors that these maladjusted individuals exhibit, a reader can go to any number of good websites to learn much about their conditions. One of the descriptions that is particularly succinct and thorough in a general way is:
“How to Spot a Narcissistic Sociopath,” by Arlin Cuncic
Here is another somewhat related depiction:
Rather than my reiterating the signmarks of the narcissistic state since they can be easily found online, it seems more salient for me to discuss some of the examples for this sort of malady. They pertain to my brother, who has manifested this disorder since he was very young.
For example he liked to steal things from others of which some had great monetary value. Sometimes he found that ruining them just for fun was appealing, too. That’s because he simply liked destroying objects, period, since doing so gave him a great sense of power and control over things and people.
He had other horrendous tendencies besides having just the urge to pilfer and break objects from family members and storekeepers. In fact, he also loved torturing animals when he was a child. He also dented my mother’s car and the garage when he took it out by himself for a drive at age eleven. He, obviously, dismayed and infuriated both of my parents with that deed.
All considered, he, by and large, felt that he was entitled to whatever he took or merely used like the car. Such acts clearly enlivened him. Indeed he held the view of his deserving whatever he wanted throughout his life. Consequently he would always take whatever he desired if he thought that he could get away with it.
Any degree that something were truly treasured by its rightful owner was inconsequential in his opinion. It simply made no difference to him. He couldn’t care less. It’s because whatever he craved has to be his until he craved the next thing and the next thing after that.
One of ever so many examples of this underlying mindset centered around property, five acres that my father bequeathed to me in his will. The stipulation in the will was that my brother would be responsible for paying taxes on my property. Then much more acreage and the family business, would be his.
As he had already received one third of the acreage, he wound up with around 65 acres in total after buying my mother’s 20+ acres for a truly paltry sum.
Moreover she thought that she was genuinely poor and, so, she eagerly sold her land to him at his low price. As a matter of fact, she imagined that she was almost destitute because he had stolen her Social Security checks and money from her for quite some time.
Even though he got quite an amount of land, he still greatly coveted my five acres, which also contained a small house. So when my mother got senile some years after my father died, he easily convinced her that he would have for her a greatly beautiful house on the land that had been slated to be my property. Clearly she’d forgotten due to her increasing dementia about her husband’s will in which he wished to deed the land to me.
So she moved there after the house was completed. Well, it absolutely didn’t work out for her to be totally alone in the home that he had workmen build. Ergo she came back to her usual abode that was surrounded by people carrying out activities that she liked to watch. After all, she didn’t really want a life of solitude and zero companionship.
Besides she was much too old to be safely on her own in the middle of woods with no one near. Especially with her physical fragility and escalating mental incapacity, it was unwise for her to be alone. Besides she found it depressing to be thoroughly isolated — something that my scheming brother had anticipated would be the case from the get-go.
So his plan worked out completely to his advantage. He’d gleefully used my mother to obtain my acreage and he also had workers put up even a third house on my property. Such careful scheming he’d used to covertly steal my land and my tiny house upon it.
After getting the third house completed, he next proceeded to rent the five acre compound out to vacationers looking for a holiday in the woods situated near a gorgeous pristine lake.
Certainly one’s trying to go on one’s own property for a short visit was impossible to carry out under these circumstances. In relation, my mother cried when it dawned on her that she had violated my father’s will and that her son had used an underhanded ploy to build on and rent out land meant to be mine.
Aside from such grave wrongs as the above ones, this devious sibling also liked taking advantage of many other people in further ways. Accordingly he seized my mother’s car and told her that she was too old to drive.
Then he proceeded to give it to one of his workers to whom he was giving only a $5,000 USD salary per year, along with room and board. Meanwhile, this car related action was taken for solely one purpose. It was so that my brother could borrow the car and park it illegally when in NYC for business. He’d prefer that rather than have the same situation with his own car, a BMW.
In point of fact, he liked driving his mother’s old car on business trips. Consequently he could put less mileage on his own vehicle and avoid paying fines for the illegal parking tickets that he’d accrue while on work related trips. (His joke at the time was that the person on which he bestowed the car had better be careful in driving it in NY state since he could get a hefty fine and be also jailed for too many tickets that my brother thought was around 100. Oh yes, he found the thought of the fine and jail time hilarious and bizarrely laughed his head off every time that he thought of it.)
In any event, he pretended that he was doing the worker a great favor by giving him the old car. (Yeah, right.) He also told that employee that he’d get some money in the end upon becoming a retiree and let’s remember that his salary was in actuality only $5,000 USD per annum.
This pronouncement, though, was connected to my brother listing the worker’s salary as $60,000 USD, which assured that the worker would get a hefty amount from Social Security upon retirement. Best of all from my brother’s perspective was that he found a way to launder money to himself to the tune of $55,000 USD per year. In other words, that amount of moola in illegal gain that he garnered was that amount listed for the laborer.
In the end of my time of knowing about my brother’s nefarious affairs, I deliberately lost track of him while adamantly refusing any sort of association. So with no personal contact, one of the last bits of information that I indirectly heard about his doings concerned an expensive ring given to me that he’d pilfered and gave as an engagement ring to his fiancée. However, he secretly had “nooky” with a waitress behind the back of betrothed and she found out. As a result, she, heartbroken, promptly left him.
Despite that the stolen ring was concerning, I thought that she deserved it after he had betrayed her love and trust. Consequently, I did not request it back from her. (Well, at least she got something with lasting value out of their hapless time together.)
In the final reckoning and in consideration of my brother’s many misdeeds, my advise is for someone to run away as fast as she can if she knows someone who is an unconscionable brute like my brother. Of course, if she knows this sort of antagonist as a family member, she should avoid him as much as possible and try her best to not let him physically or emotionally damage her.
Sally Dugman lives in MA, USA.