With increasing anxiety and depression among today’s youth, many conversations revolve around the influence of phones and social media. Yet, as many clinical psychologists specialising in family relationships, are often seen getting struck by a key element that’s often missing from this discussion: boundaries. Our Gen Z and Children in particular, by nature, test limits as part of learning about the world, but parents today are finding it increasingly challenging to maintain the boundaries essential for their children’s mental health. The cost of not establishing these limits has never been higher. So, in this article we are going to talk about how this crisis, which seems to be overlooked, remains behind smartphones and social media. Let’s check it out:
Sturdy Leadership
“Sturdy Leadership” is a parenting model where boundaries are enforced alongside genuine connection. Instead of simply giving in to a child’s immediate desires, Sturdy Leadership involves validating a child’s feelings while holding firm to what’s best. Just as effective leaders in workplaces or sports remain committed to core values while showing empathy, parents can lead their families with the same strength and compassion.
Sturdy Leadership in Action
The big question is – how sturdy leadership actually works especially when we look at this issue of mental health in our upcoming generations. Imagine a five-year-old asking for a toy at the store, even though you’ve set the expectation that this trip is only for buying a gift. Instead of giving in, Sturdy Leadership would look like this: “I know it’s hard to see toys you want and not get one. But today, we’re just buying a present for your cousin. Let’s take a picture so we can remember it for later. I love you, and we’ll get through this.” Similarly, for an older child, let’s say a 12-year-old upset about not being allowed a sleepover, Sturdy Leadership might sound like: “One of my main jobs is to make decisions that I think are good for you, even when you’re upset with me. I get that you’re upset, I really do.” Here, the parent is validating the child’s feelings while upholding a boundary.
Why Boundary Setting Matters More Now
The stakes for not setting boundaries with kids have never been higher. In the past, if parents struggled to hold boundaries, the result might have been a child enjoying an extra cupcake or staying out a bit late. Today, however, the cost can look like unrestricted access to TikTok at age eight or endless hours of gaming, detracting from real-world engagement. While experts agree that we’re facing a crisis, I see it as more than an issue of phones and social media; it’s a crisis of what I call “Sturdy Leadership” — something our kids need now more than ever. This is how boundaries come into the picture. Boundaries create a foundation for how children respond to bigger decisions, like requests for a phone or social media. Rather than relying on a strict “media policy,” boundary setting becomes a natural extension of how parents have always guided their children’s choices.
It’s Never Too Late to Start
If you’ve already given your child a phone or access to social media, all is not lost. Think of yourself as the pilot of your family’s journey; even if turbulence arises, you always have the option to reset boundaries. Start small, perhaps by setting a new rule that all phones remain outside the bedroom at night. Frame it as a step for well-being, not punishment, embodying your authority with warmth and protection. The whole idea is to support parents to raise sturdy kids. Here the idea is only presented with a mission to empower parents to become confident, Sturdy Leaders who raise resilient children. Phones and social media are just part of the larger mental health conversation. By equipping parents with practical skills, we can transform worry into empowered action and foster environments that allow our kids to truly thrive.
The final thought
In the face of rising mental health challenges, boundaries have become essential tools in parenting, guiding children through a world full of distractions and challenges. By embracing “Sturdy Leadership,” parents can offer the structure and connection children need to thrive, balancing empathy with firmness to instil resilience and self-discipline. It’s never too late to start setting boundaries that promote well-being, even if that means revisiting current rules around technology. With intentional boundary-setting, parents empower their children not only to navigate but to flourish in the world, building a foundation for a healthier, more balanced future.
Mohd Ziyauallah Khan is based in Nagpur and a freelance writer and editor. He is also an activist and social entrepreneur and loves to experiment with special and exclusive programs among young people under the banner – Young Transformers.
