Musings: “Dear Self, Never focus on the Negatives”

Some thoughts on self-love and self-care 

Glass Vase

I live a rich life. In no way do l mean having accumulated vast wealth or material possessions. It means that after living “a routine normal life” for quite a long time, l have discovered a real purpose. By that l mean to live with authenticity, leaving out negativity — by focusing more on gratitude, wisdom, and compassion. I have been able to embrace that because of implementing a holistic lifestyle. Over the years, I have found such a practice takes care of my mental and spiritual well-being for the better. It goes without saying that with each passing year, l have been focusing more and more on me. I have been living that way for a decade now as it helps me to identify my values and goals in living an exemplary life.

On New Year’s Day, most people make new resolutions about losing weight, joining a gym, eating healthy, staying away from toxic people, making a to- do list, taking up rock climbing, bake a cake from scratch, skydive, taking a dance class or something along these lines. I do not make myself any such promises, except maybe staying away from negative people or forces. Instead, I make it a point of going out to buy myself a small gift to remind myself to indulge in self-love throughout the year. This token gift l put on one corner of my writing table. I have been doing this ever since I embraced a holistic approach in living my daily life. I put away the gift from the year before in a keepsake box that I got at the World Market in DC years ago.

This year, I found the perfect glass cup with eye-catching words printed on it in pink and black. The writing stands out and I thought it was highly creative. The cup also has a lid. Now, every time I see it, I love thinking of myself as “awesome!” As for the title of this column, l saw the above quote on Pinterest first thing in the morning of January 1st. I took it as a sign from the Universe. Therefore, I am not focusing on the negative aspects of living, relationships, etc. Such things will not dominate my life. Not that it had in the past, but this year, it will be a primary force in mapping out my daily life. If I plan this idea carefully then such a strategy can be executed. This is how I plan on doing it.

   A)  I plan to put money, luxury, and worldly comfort on the back burner. An exception will be the French made facial moisturizer that I use. The skin care product this particular brand makes is known for clinical efficacy and has a very calming feeling on the skin. They do not use harsh chemicals. Their products are made with gentle ingredients that have long-term benefits. Another big plus is the company does not test their products on animals and is considered “cruelty free.” It took me years to find the right kind that suits my skin.

   B) I am going to visit some of the top attractions that I have not visited in my state. We have beautiful farms, orchards, botanical gardens, state parks and much more. Maryland covers 12, 407 square miles, and is the 42nd largest state of the 50 states in the US. Its overall size is comparable to Belgium. Maryland also is called “miniature America” as it has land, water, and countless other natural features except desert.

  C) I am only going to focus more on a couple of well-meaning friends who were there for me through good and bad times. We all live in different states and yet they could not be any closer. These are friends who forget their own pain to make sure that for New Year I get the best delicacies (semi-sweet treats as I do not eat sugary food) that were shipped from Istanbul. The Turkish delight with a variety of textures with nutty filling that I got on New Year’s Eve from my best friend was very satisfying. These are friends who think about whether I have the right kind of rattan baskets to store (toiletries, knick-knacks, even onion hampers made with bamboo) when they visit their respective countries or when they are on travel to other exotic places. In my living here, I have found such friends to be caring, who have become a part of my family.

  D) I am staying off the internet as much as possible. This is something I practice routinely to avoid sad and negative news. Media is overloaded with such news, and it hurts my mental health. I plan to double down on that because of what is going on in the world or what is coming in the upcoming months. My new computer that I got will be used for writing only. My Smartphone I will use for looking up facts and listening to music. I am not present on any type of social media, and that saves me a lot of time to pursue my other interests. Instead I use that time caring for my indoor plants and reading about horticulture. Come spring, the tips I am getting will help me immensely. I am debating whether to set up a Pinterest account to find and save inspiring ideas for my various DIY projects. But of course, I will set my profile to private to control who can see it. I will only invite a selective few people who can follow me.

  E) I have already cancelled subscriptions to a couple of magazines (do not have time to read everything) by only keeping the National Geographic. In its place, getting all the books from my long list of books will be a much more rewarding experience (even if I can read a quarter of these.) The first on my list is a book of death poems written by John Updike (he wrote those after learning he has terminal cancer). I ordered it online and it is on its way. I did it just out of curiosity to learn as to how this favorite writer of mine saw his approaching death. Was he feeling scared or he glorified death? Or was he pondering the question of existence much longer?

  F) To put my culinary delights to test, the idea of writing a food blog is something that was suggested by one of my closest friends a number of years ago. So far it hasn’t materialized because of lack of time, and for not exploring how to do it. Cooking is an art form as it involves skills and creativity. People say my recipes are delicious. I am not going to write a blog to promote myself (there are thousands of cooking blogs and recipe books) but because I am enthusiastic about cooking. Growing up, I had learnt it just by watching my mother. I essentially want to write food blogs about healthy eating by using homemade ingredients (I always grind my own spices, do not substitute for a short cut, nor do I use frozen food to make anything that we eat). This is something I want to do keeping my daughter in mind so that she can experience some of the dishes by following my recipes. Upon hearing about my plan during our monthly hour-long Facetime she was all excited. I think Pinterest will be a great platform to showcase my ideas. I can pin a recipe to Pinterest. I was told more than 480 million people use Pinterest worldwide.

  G) Visiting a historic landmark Walden Ponds, in Concord, Massachusetts is also on my bucket list this coming summer with my family. There we can rent a mid-size cabin for a week and live a life without many things as Henry Thoreau did. Walden Pond is considered the birthplace of modern conservation. It has an untouched feel to it, which l had experienced while reading Thoreau’s work. It is where Henry Thoreau penned down his famous book “Walden,” or “Life in the woods “. Through his writings, he had taught us how not to look for grandeur instead to respect one’s own “place” as special. Now Walden Pond is a state reservation area frequented by walkers, hikers, boaters, and those who just love to wander around. People go there for swimming and fishing as well.

   H) Last but not least, at some point this coming summer, I would like to go on a retreat somewhere in Montana or Wyoming to see the wilderness for two weeks. There are many unspoiled parts in such states to experience. We will rent a log cabin in the woods with bathroom facilities. I will spend the entire time just reading, writing, making grilled fish and veggies, taking long walks in the woods, and bird watching. I hope the hummingbirds will still be there if we go early in the summer. Other than that, the much desired retreat will give me time to experience solitude, deeply connect with nature, and reflect on my life.


I think doing all of the above within a span of twelve months will keep me pretty busy and it will be a gratifying experience. If anything, I will be able to fully accept myself with flaws and all. I hope I will be more forgiving of myself by recognizing my inherent worth. Perhaps in the end I will be able to treat myself with care and compassion. Along the way, if I disappoint a handful of people — so be it. That’s Life! You cannot make everyone happy. One has to choose self-love above anything else.

Zeenat Khan writes from Maryland. USA

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