This is the translation of the book “ANUBHUTI” written in Marathi by Retired Judge of Family Court – Bageshri Parikh. This is chapter 1.
When the divorce case of Nina and Satish came to me, I was a marriage counselor in the court. They were both living together in Mulund. They also had a three years old daughter named Mugdha.
The presiding judge at that time, after talking to both Nina and Satish, thought of saving their marriage.
Satish was very tired and fed up in his married life of four years. Nina’s problem was beyond his understanding. Satish had purchased a two-room block in Mulund immediately after the marriage was fixed. Nina was High School graduate. She was from the same caste as Satish. She was presentable. Nina had planned to marry Satish with great joy and enthusiasm. She was overwhelmed and excited with the thought that she would get her own house after marriage. The financial condition of both their families was very moderate. But since Satish was well-educated, hardworking and straightforward, he had a well-paying job.
After getting married, Satish realized that Nina was very particular about cleanliness. In the first year, Satish was happy to see Nina was fond of keeping the house clean. Thaten Mugdha arrived.
Gradually, Nina’s practice of cleanliness became unbearable and beyond acceptance to Satish. Nina was mostly at home. She was constantly washing her hands under the tap. Every day she used to wash and clean all the containers and utensils in the house. She used to utilize lot of water. Satish had installed a water tank in the house, but by evening the tank used to get empty. None of the maids could last longer. Nina’s working capacity was awesome. Nina used to warn Satish to take bath once again after returning from office. Initially, Satish used to follow that order. But then he soon got bored of taking bath second time. “When you come from outside, you will have germs on your body. You will get sick, so take a bath. “Nina persistently made this demand.
Little Mugdha also was given bath three times a day. After returning home, Satish felt like having conversation with his wife and take her out for a walk. But whenever he used to see her, Nina was found in the bathroom or washing her hands in the sink. Satish attempted lot many times to talk to Nina about her habits. He used to get reply that whenever my hands get dirty, they must be thoroughly washed.
Despite having a small house, Satish had hired a person to wash the bathroom. The same man used to work for all the neighbors. Nina, after the person left the house, used to wash the whole house, even the electric bell insisting that it gets dirty and polluted.Anyone who came to their house afterwards and pressed the bell use to get electric shock.
Satish never even dreamt of the possibility that Nina might be having some mental disorder, since Nina’s everyday behavior and interaction used to be very normal like everyone. Satish could not find answers to many questions like what to do, where to go, who can advise Nina, who can stop her playing in the water. He was fed up. Finaly, despite living together, Satish filed case for divorce in the court.
When the case came to me for counseling and when I read Satish’s Petition, I realized that Nina was the victim of mental disorder. I opened my book on mental disorders and after reading it I was convinced that Nina was suffering from “Obsessive Compulsive Disorder”. People who are normal otherwise have a strong desire to do the same thing over and over habitually, and even after deciding to control the mind, the person keeps doing the same thing over and over again due to immense mental pressure or compulsion. This is termed as O.C.D. or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. They can not give up this habit, even though they realize that ‘my behavior’ is leading to harassment to others. They just cannot control it.
I continued their counseling by talking with Nina and Satish, discussing with them, reaching into the depth of their relationship and with aim to bring them together, by perusing with best of efforts,. At first, I studied and understood their problem very closely. Both were in need of understanding and affection. They both needed somebody to talk with and to listen to them. Nina did not want to be separated from Satish.
I decided to make a home visit and accordingly visited their Mulund home. I knocked on the door and I was shocked to see the scene inside. Little Mugdha was sitting on the bed and the entire house was filled with water. Nina had spilled so much water that the room looked like a swimming pool. Nina greeted me warmly. I had to walk in the room, constantly holding mysaree up. Nina didn’t forget to say, “I’m sorry! but I just started to wash the house.” Satish was right. Nina’s craze for cleanliness was increasing. I tried to convince Satish that we can improve Nina. It took Satish a long time to accept the fact that she had this mental disorder.
Following a court order, it was decided to take Nina to a psychiatrist. At first Satish refused to help, then I took Nina and Mugdha to the psychiatrist. At that time I was in touch with ‘Bapnu Ghar’ organization. Psychiatrist used to regularly visit Bapnu Ghar. The doctor also diagnosed Nina as having Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
According to the doctor’s advice, Nina had to stay in Bapnu Ghar for fifteen days under Observation. Bapnu Ghar is a women’s organization based in Worli. Married women who have problems with their husbands or in-laws get temporary shelter here.
Although Nina’s case was a bit different, she was allowed to stay in in ‘Bapnu Ghar’ under observation until the end of her treatment. Mugdha also stayed with her. With Behavior Therapy and the medication prescribed by the doctor, Nina began to show gradual improvement. In Bapnu Ghar, she could not play with water. There she was under constant observation and attention.
Gradually, Nina began to learn to control her mind. This time, however, Satish also cooperated a lot. He used to come to Bapnu Ghar frequently to meet Nina and Mugdha. The main thing is that Nina had shown positive behavioral improvements. Her self-motivation was going to be beneficial to her.
During the intervening period, Satish also met our psychiatrist. The doctor also urged Satish to take positive approach. According to him, it was a mental disorder like any other physical disorder. Maybe it is genetic. The behavior of a person can be the result of chemical reaction in the brain. Basically, that person can be assertive and headstrong. The person can be little stubborn. He further said that we see a lot of patients around us suffering from ‘Obsessive Compulsive Disorder’. Some cannot walk without touching every lamp post on the road. Some people are seen walking with their feet in certain squares. Some men are seen tying the knot of their necktie at least seven to eight times.
All these people fall into the category of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. But this disorder is curable. Hence it is important to take help of the Psychiatrist as early as possible. Otherwise, the people who live with that person suffer and sometimes everyone’s life is disturbed. Hearing all this, Satish felt very confident about the doctor. He was now prepared to bear all expenses for the treatment. Nina’s ongoing treatment lasted for about six months. ‘Bapnu Ghar’ caretaking sisters used to take her to the doctor’s clinic regularly. In the court, the hearing for the case was getting postponed dates after dates. But each time, Nina looked a changed person. She also appeared to be developing self confidence.. Satish took Nina and Mugdha home while the case was still pending in the court. Even thereafter, both of them continued to be in contact with us.After talking to Satish, it was learnt that even though Nina was not completely cured, she had definitely improved around fifty percent. Her medication was continued.
Later Satish was transferred to Baroda and he moved to Baroda with Nina and Mugdha. He had withdrawn the case from the court. After this, I lost contact with Satish and Nina but their memories lingered in my mind and I got the satisfaction of saving a marriage.
Bageshri Parikh– Retired Judge – Family Court.In 1995 she was appointed Judge in Family Court, Mumbai. She retired in 2007 after 12 years of judicial service. Based on her Judicial experiences, she published books and wrote articles on Marriage Counseling in Newspapers and Magazines
Translated from Marathi to English- Anil Pundlik Gokhale
