Dubya
Writes To God
By Ra Ravishankar
02 November, 2006
Countercurrents.org
Dear God,
This is your beloved son,
Dubya. I decided to write to you because you have stopped talking to
me (even though I still talk to you daily). I wouldn't be so presumptuous
as to assume you are unaware of my feelings, but let me say it anyway:
I have been feeling miserable, my dear Lord, ever since you stopped
talking to me. I quit liquor because of you, ran for President because
you asked me, and became President because of your good graces. Mere
words cannot express my gratitude for all your kindness, and I assure
you I have not made a pact with the Devil, whatever Hugo
might say. (For that matter, he has also called me a donkey,
which I evidently am not!) The reason I bring this up is because it’s
the day after Hugo’s address to the United Nations that you abruptly
cut off communications with me.
That said, I do owe you an
explanation for several faux pas in recent times.
1) I do NOT condone the photographing / videotaping of prisoners while
they are being tortured. I also regard Cheney's
comments on waterboarding as tactless; we simply can't
afford to discuss our interrogation techniques in public if they are
to retain their efficacy.
2) I’m not to blame
for the morass in Iraq and Afghanistan. Remember, it was you who told
me to go fight the terrorists in Afghanistan and end the tyranny in
Iraq. In particular,
· I reject Alberto's
contention that we have shown "arrogance
and stupidity" in Iraq; we have never acted stupid.
With you as the guiding force, how can we? And with you as the guiding
force, how can we not be arrogant about the rightness of our mission?
· I also reject The
Lancet's accusation of "654,965
excess Iraqi deaths as a consequence of the war".
The number doesn't seem quite right; besides, no price is too high for
bringing civilization to the Iraqis and ridding us all of the evil Saddam.
· I also reject the National Intelligence Estimate's assessment
that "the
Iraq war has made the overall terrorism problem worse".
I have ordered stringent actions against whoever leaked this classified
document.
· I also reject all the human rights reports released after I
took office. They serve no useful purpose except building up support
for the evildoers, those that hate the thought of the fact that in this
great country, we can worship
the Almighty God the way we see fit.
3) I am appalled with Mark
Foley's indiscretions, but you're at least partly to blame for his actions.
If an adolescent Foley hadn't been "abused" by a Catholic
priest, things may not have taken such a nasty turn. Anyways, the clergy
has been running amok for quite a while now and I beseech
you to act at least at this late hour.
Lord, I may have broken my
word here and there, but am not to blame for the current predicament.
In fact, we seemed to be doing fine until
Foleygate exploded, and even then, I don’t see why
the Dems should benefit from this. After all, they are no saints when
it comes to sex or keeping their promises.
Agreed, it’s unlikely that we can come up – in time for
the elections next week – with a sex scandal involving a high-ranking
Democrat, but the Dems are worse in several other respects. They don't
love fetuses as much as we do, equivocate on gay/lesbian marriage, and
support fantastic theories that take you out of the evolutionary process.
You need the GOP, Lord. With your blessings, we'll launch a new crusade
to protect
fetus rights, heterosexual
marriage, and intelligent
design, and proselytize welfare
recipients in the U.S. and unwashed
masses elsewhere. As for the evildoers:
I will execute great vengeance
upon them with furious rebukes; and they shall know that I am the Lord,
when I shall lay my vengeance upon them. [Ezekiel
25:17]
Gone are the times when we
could lie
our way to war, gone are the times when I could joke about the missing
WMD, and gone are the times when Rummy used to thunder
about the absence of evidence not being evidence of absence. Now, we
seem to be sinking fast and I come to you because you are the author
of all life and history. I can no longer endure in darkness, and now
that I’ve turned
my imagination to you, I hope you’ll lead us to victory.
The New Jersey Supreme Court threw us a lifeline
last week, but my best
efforts might still fall short. Please act fast, my dear
Lord, and remember, you are either with us or against us.
Your loyal son and executioner,
Dubya
ps: I think an orange alert
this weekend would be kinda cool, what says you?
Ra Ravishankar is a contributor
to the Campaign to Stop Funding Hate [http://www.stopfundinghate.org].
This letter first appeared at MRZINE [http://mrzine.monthlyreview.org/ravishankar311006.html]
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