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#Sarcasm #AcheDin # TukdeTukdeGang # KanhaiyaKumar #ShehlaRashid #2002Gujarat #AntiNational #PuducherrykoVanakkam! #Demonetisation#MunnkiBaat

This fledgling attempt at writing is a tribute to the flexibility of our language in general and in particular to the words that have been newly minted crisped dried suuned and presented for use for the general consumption of our ever gullible public.

Since 16th of May, 2014, our country has undergone a revolution.

Linguistic  Revolution.

There is a wave of newly concocted words, in the ocean of our already conceited expressions; terms, labels , innuendos, nomenclature trying to gobble us up, sorry, down.  This taxonomy of myriad hues of new name calling has been coined out of

 1, 694  Ache Din and still minting.  What is more, what was once a simple ordinary song, a celebrity, a place got transmogrified into a symbol of resistance or derision depending on the side of the camp it was found.  Instilling quite a Kaepernisque feel to it, for those who are on ‘this’ side of the camp.

It seems that we would never ever have enough of the ‘Ache’ dose but critiquing it is an ache in my fingers and your eyes. Has the ‘din’ of (i)Ache Din, frozen our ears too?

In this post-angst, post-truth, post-modern, post-mercy age, does anyone remember that it all started with Miyan Musharraf, Babur ki Aulad , Hum Do Hamare Pachees, kind of innocent innuendos spoken out of the compulsion of elections, without any ill-meaning; and little feeling? But Puppy People color it wrongly.  And this is exactly the reason, for this trend to soon escalate into anti-national and transubstantiate into (xii) Loyas.  The most famous of the lot is the former and the later, is no more. It all began with misjudged references to a ‘specialized form’ of devotion by some termed as Bhakts. These guys are said to have deposited their brains in the demonetized bank lockers. Trolling those who oppose (ix) Vikas is the new bhakti of the New India. Actually, troll was the first word from the New Dictionary that stirred up a storm in the Social Media Chaiwala teacup. Trolls and IT cell entered the new lexicon almost instantly. As the proverbial fish takes to the water, the troll took to the back waters of twitter; sailing, drooping, dropping, drowning, yet ever more ready to do his job. What a Bhakt is, how his thinking process goes (provided, there is one.) can be a topic of good research.

One should never mind if the (ii) Munn ki baat [Heart-talk] is cold, the warmth of the heart is to be found in the (vi) Jumlas. An Urdu usage, that once upon a time meant, ‘in total’ or ‘a statement’ but is now thrown around whenever you want to save your skin and put others’ on the burn. Wonder if we could call the person, Meer Jumla? (Meer in the sense of a Supreme Leader!)

But the proposed proposal needs signatures of all those from 2002. A year that is etched in our Collective Conscience and has become an ‘age’ in itself, (that we all have lived through ,despite not being in Gujarat,) on the sheer brilliance of it’s composition. Look again, isn’t it so attractively well structured; even at the ends with two 2s and sheer zeroes in the middle, Two thousand and two as if protesting it’s emptied preterition?

But then Jumlas have become so cool. Only yesterday, I heard my 7th grader asking her friends, to rubbish the imminent threat of being punished by their teacher as she reportedly was in the habit of throwing around Jumlas. That was a moment of reckoning, I patted myself on the back, for having trained my girl in, ‘Partial Politics’ if not in  (vii) Entire Political Science, as is the norm in our country since 2014.  Politics helps you survive in a country where lunch or lynch become interchangeable. Even our travel trajectory has changed drastically. Earlier it was, (iii) Go to Pakistan , and now it is NRC camps.

Jayein toh Morning Walk ko jayein kahaan…

But the Morning Walks create a way, ‘out’ , for us. Try imagining it like this;   you press hands on the EVM and it returns smiling with a Lotus?!

Whoever says, Kamal ka phool, hamari bhool is drunk on petrol.

 

Since 2014, it just can’t be denied that there is a strong positive feeling in the nation and if the Nation (really) Wants to Know; it is because of it’s ‘Non-stop election mode’; with the obvious advantage of keeping the nation on the edge. Always.  An election here, an election there, hot crisp ready to be served in China made ‘communal’ plate along with (viii)15 lakh rupees in our bank accounts. This election fever 24/7 has done immense good for our country’s alleged Vikas.  Needless to say when one is bombarded with the messages of how good our days would soon become, the Indian mentality reaches into an eternal ‘waiting mood’, sorry, mode. Some nitpickers try mapping this mood to (v) 56”. The process they arrived at that particular exact figure is as much a mystery to me as to everyone else.

Covering this specially designed manufactured gamut of vocabulary is no easy task. It takes a world of experience of being a first rate (iv) anti-national to reach this stage(?) or level(!),  Oxford dictionary must pay us for adding to their treasure but only by Paytm.  Another addition is “ Demonetization”. It may be that it was already in the book but the Indians came to understand the demon present in it, only when it arrived. The havoc ,a word could generate,  the curses it can elicit, the bitter painful memories it can transpire; this word is evidence to it. These concocted words resemble some of our four letter words.

For instance  (xi)‘Urban Naxal’.

Eugene Ionesco says, words fail us after a time. But this nightmare tells us otherwise. Stinging, strangling, suffocating words, that go round and round and keep coming back  with a new vengeance.

Urban Naxals are born argumentative. The one trait that characterizes us Indians, and that we have especially become addicted to since 2014. Be it a primary school class room, an elite gathering,  a railway compartment, or social media , everyone is an addict and as of all such substance abuse , it fetches us nothing, signifies nothing but brings in a lot of fury.

Whether this fury has transformed some into (x) Tukde Tukde Gang? You need Sherlock Homesque skills to measure this disintegration spreading centrifugally. No one is sure though; it’s all speculation; another new trait of the Vikas of our Desh. If some four to fifteen Urban Naxals come together, it becomes the Tukde Tukde Gang can be a near correct description.  Earlier we heard this, ‘Tukde stuff’ in relation to Shahi Tukde, the quintessential Muslimesque delicacy. The last left over remnants of Phoren Mughal Tehzeeb that (xv) Babur ki Aulad is still holding on to even after so much happenings. It is this hangover of the long past Shahi Tukde that makes our (xiv)Hum Paanch aur Hamare Pachees delirious. Weird that some(xiii) Miyan Musharaffs don’t change with the swiftly changing typos.

(i) Ache din: When your government cares for you, wants you to keep your health, helps it by banning your dinner of fatty beef and increases the price of petrol, so that you move your ass and get on the road. Walk, baby walk. This government really loves you!

(ii)Munn ki baat: When you want to insist on speaking your mind, but think and feel and pretend not having any ears to listen to those around you.

 (iii) Go to Pakistan: Ha ha ha!

(iv) Anti-National: All those who do not believe in Vikas and ask questions are anti-national.

(v) 56 inches: Yet to be found.

(vi) Jumla: The confidence to lie and self belief that one is ‘believed’ despite his/her misappropriation of facts and figures. This skill needs a special kind of intelligence.

(vii) Degree in Entire Political Science: Only JNU walas know this.

(viii) 15 Lakh in my account: An imaginary utopia where each one gets an egg on his/her face every day of those five years.

(ix)Vikas:  Dear Vikas, Come back, home. No one will say, anything to you.[ We ourselves are busy scratching our sorry heads for the folly of the 31%] If anyone has seen Vikas, they must check their heads, before sending him to us.

(x)Tukde –tukde Gang: Shehla Rashid, Kanhaiya Kumar, Umar Khalid,

Guest appearance  : Amit Shah sir.

(xi)Urban Naxal: People who do much ado about nothing.

(xii) Loya: How do I know? I love my Morning Walks.

(xiii) Miyan Musharraf: When the Ghafoors of the world are doubted for their integrity, they are called …..

(xiv) Hum Paanch Hamare Pachees: Your mental audit is being done through the physical route.

(xv) Babur ki Aulad: Send us your Shahi Tukde from Uzbekistan.

(?) Feku: Have I used it above? Needs any explanation?

Now let’s hold hands together, be happily clueless and shout, Puducherry ko Vanakkam!

 

Dr. Asma Anjum Khan from Maharashtra teaches English, a motivational speaker, has written for  prestigious national and international publications and websites on social, ethical, and gender related issues. FEEL (Foundation for English and Ethical Learning) is her NGO that wants to bring change by equipping people with the language of English. Twitter: @AsmaAnjumKhan

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