History Of The World: A Chaddi Retelling


In the beginning there was a huge Man named Brahma. He was huge and immortal. Then the Gods who have always been there cut him into four pieces. From the wise Head came the wise Brahmin, from the strong Hands came the strong Kshatriyas, from the big sweaty torso & belly came the Vaishya mass of agile traders & from the dirty legs came the dirty Shudras[i]. In the beginning people were all Aryans and they lived in this big island called Jambu-dwipa[ii] which was the entire landmass before the continental drift[iii]. Because in the Godly abode of Brahma from whose body all the people of the world came  six months constituted a day and six months a night, this abode was actually the North Pole, all the people of the world came from the North Pole[iv]. However, this was before the continental drift, and so, North Pole was actually close to Bihar[v].

Let’s not confuse things like those sickulars do. Basically, in the beginning, all the people came from pieces of this Brahma and were all Aryans[vi] and thus, by default, Hindus, and they all lived in Jambudweepa which is now India but was the world before the continental drift.

All these people, who were all Aryans and therefore Hindus and therefore Indians, were so great that ancient history is filled with nothing but their greatness. People were all happy. Those who came from the Head of Brahma were the best because they were the great intellectuals, those who came from the leg were the worst because they did menial work, cleaned excreta of those who came from the three other parts above them and were thus ugly and untouchable. However, altogether they were all great and they were all Hindus. Even the ugly ones were being lifted to the level of Brahmins through meditation and non-vegetarianism. Furthermore, it has been established by eminent historians that this system, known as the caste system, worked well in ancient India[vii].

However, some of these ugly people were so ugly that they were black[viii] and unruly. They used to stay in cities and have much wealth, land, vehicles and livestock[ix] They would harm the Gods and the Brahmins. So great Gods took birth in human Kshatriya wombs, mostly through scientific methods of asexual impregnations and often multiple times, to destroy these ugly black people who were savages and demons or Rakshasas and Asuras by burning their cities, wrecking their forts and tearing them apart like tattered clothes[x]. After the great King God Indra who killed many such Asuras, there came in the Dwapara Era which is the second of the Four Great Eras of History viz., Satya, Dwapara, Treta & Kali, there came a great Kshatriya King named Ramachandra who was actually a God reborn. He roamed around the forests of Jambudweepa killing many Asuras and thereby rescuing many Brahmins. He also taught his wife multiple manly lessons for not being the Adarsh Bharatiya Nari (though the wife actually was one) so much so that all men utter the sacred words ‘Maryada Purushottam’ or ‘Proud Glory be to the Best Among Men’ to remember him. However, owing to continental drift, the exact place where he did all these is still not confirmed[xi]. But we know where he was born and we are building a temple there. Even in the Kali era, many great Kshatriya Kings like Bhima and Arjuna had killed many such evil black savages. In this way, across eras, the great Aryan gods and kings have rescued the sages and destroyed the evil[xii] ones who were all defeated and became ‘dasa’s or slaves and served ancient India. In this way, ancient Hindu India saw positive impacts of slavery.

The position of women in society was also good. Dutiful Hindu husbands controlled their wives whom they owned[xiii]. However, because of their seductive character, wise Hindu men would never sit alone with even their mothers and sisters because, you never know[xiv]. Because of their impious nature, it was forbidden to touch them when they bled once a month and the lowest born chandalas, pigs, roosters and such women were never given even the offerings for the dead[xv], and the Brahmins would never have food in the presence of wife, especially when they were sneezed or yawned[xvi], and ideal husbands would never take their wives whom they owned out[xvii] etc. They were all happy and served their husbands with piety. Ancient Hindu India had great women like Sati, Savitri and Damayanti[xviii] who became great by serving their husbands with devotion. Because these ideals have been forgotten, we are teaching these modern Indian women some lessons like we did in Mangalore in 2009 so that they remember these ancient ideals and feel safe again.

Altogether, all the people of the world who were all Hindus and who all came from Jambudweepa which was but the pre continental drift panacea, were so great that even great English historians like James Mill[xix] have established how all of history of India was Hindu history before the evil Muslims came. This has also been affirmed by other great English historians like Eliot & Dawson [xx] who wrote six volumes of books to establish this. And these sickulars think they know everything.

These ancient Hindus made remarkable achievements in science and technology. They flew aeroplanes called Pushpaka Vimanas[xxi], visited Mars[xxii], could replace severed human heads with elephant heads through plastic surgery[xxiii], could make test-tube babies through gene technology[xxiv] etc. The people were all happy and they were all Hindus. In fact, ‘life was never happier’[xxv]. Though all of them were Hindus, some of them were Buddhists and Jains. However, Buddha being the Ninth Avatar of Lord Vishnu, Buddhism is Hinduism, and Jainism is Hinduism in any case.

Then came the evil Muslims. They were so evil that they eat the sacred cow[xxvi] who is our Mother. They do Love Jihad. To prevent this, pious Hindu women from old times used to drink poision, jump into wells and into the pyres of their dead senile polyamorous husbands. Of course, because the Brahmins and Kshatriyas were so great, they could own multiple wives. Nonetheless, the Muslims were evil and they started destroying everything. So, great Hindu warriors like Prithviraj Chauhan, Hemu, Maharana Pratap and Shivaji fought against them. Recently, a sickular Naxali[xxvii] was writing that the last-named was a low-born whom the Brahmins refused to coronate. We have taught him a lesson for insulting the glory of Hinduism in this way, and we have taught it so well that he will never be writing anything ever again.

The fight against the evil love jihadis continued. A group of Vedic Brahmin monks formed an army and fought against the Muslims singing Vande Mataram, thereby making India free from British Rule[xxviii]. There were also other great freedom fighters like Savarkar, Golwalkar, Hedgewar and SP Mukherjee. The last named was so erudite that he gave himself an Honorary Doctorate Degree when he was the Vice Chancellor of Calcutta University in 1937. There was a great Brahmin Freedom Fighter was Chandrasekhar Dubey. But some sickular anti-national elements call him Chandrashekhar Azad and depict him without his sacred janau. These sickulars actually support terrorists like Azad and terrorist movements like Azaadi. They don’t give respect to great Hindu freedom fighters like Bhagat Singh, who, despite being born in a Sikh family and turning atheist under the evil influence of Communism, is a Hindu because all atheists and Sikhs are also Hindus. Many liberal sickulars have built statues of him wearing hats. Across India, we are replacing those hats with saffron turbans across India to teach nationalism and Hinduism to Indians. Despite all these freedom fighters, some elements like MK Gandhi & Rabindranath Tagore. We killed the former and circulated pictures of a white woman named Hellen Keller touching the latter all over his bearded face on Facebook. We all know how Hellen would dance in old movies, thereby revealing her unchaste nature.

Despite all these fringe elements, we managed to free India and drive the Muslims away to Pakistan. Even in free India, the Hindus continued to be exploited by the Isais, Kasais & CPIs[xxix].  The Muslim loving ancestors of Pappu also added to their agony. Finally, as Hindus of India, we managed to attain independence in 1977. Ever since then, we have been fighting for the rights of the Hindus who are the real Indians but are exploited by the Muslims everywhere. So we are breaking mosques, killing Muslims for being Muslims and performing such other feats as are becoming of true Men that we are. Each time we kill Muslims, we as true Hindu Indians come out in Gaurav Yatras or Pride Marches which are led by worthwhile leaders of the nation today. Our leaders have even wished to have sex with freshly dug corpses of Muslim women.

Meanwhile, globally, great leaders like Adolf Hitler[xxx] and Donald Trump have carried the great Aryan ideals which originated from Hindu India forward, and, together, with such leaders, the great leaders of our Hindu nation state shall bear the torch of this glorious Hindu history, which all ideal Indian children are learning in all ideal schools and collages of our country today, forward and forward.

Atindriyo Chakraborty is a poet and political commentator


[i] Rg Veda (10.90)

[ii] Markandeya Puraan, Mahabharata

[iii] Countless pro-Hindutva blogs. multiple offline narratives including newspaper articles share this enthusiasm for continental drift, as we shall shortly see while learning about Ramachandra.

[iv] [iv] Tilak (1903)

[v] Golwalkar (1947)

[vi] Multiple NCERT History textbooks along with multiple history textbooks in state board curriculum  on history for High School students across the country. Certain history textbooks in foreign countries such as that of the California Board in 2006

[vii] Y. Sudarshan Rao, Chairperson of Indian Council of Historical Research (ICHR),

[viii] Rg Veda (IV – 16/3)

[ix] Rg Veda ((i 53/8i103/3)

[x] Rg Veda (i 53/8i103/3), (VI20/10), (IV – 16/3), (VI – 31/4), (VI – 42/21)

[xi] Dainik Bhaskar, Kanker Dist. Ramnavmi Spl. Edn., 16th April 2016

[xii] Bhagwad Gita, (4:8)

[xiii] Manusmriti

[xiv] Ibid

[xv] Ibid

[xvi] Ibid

[xvii] Popular Sanskrit sloka – Pathi Nari Vivarjita

[xviii] Vartaman Bharat, Swami Vivekananda, 1899

[xix] James Mill, History of British India (1823)

[xx] H.M. Elliot and John Dowson’s History of India as Told by Its Own Historians (1867-1877) (in

[xxi] Capt. Anand J. Bodas in the Indian Science Congress in Mumbai, Jan. 2015,

[xxii] Ibid

[xxiii] Prime Minister, India, Oct. 2014

[xxiv] Ibid

[xxv] RC Majumdar, in the Classical Age (1962)

[xxvi] Abanindranath Tagore, Rajkahini, 1919

[xxvii] Govind Pansare

[xxviii] Bankim Chandra Chattopadhyay, Anandamath, 1882

[xxix] Isai, Kasai, CPI (The Christians, the Muslims and the Communists – the three enemies identified by the RSS in its pamphlets and slogans

[xxx] Golwalkar(1938)


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