Parenting: The ultimate jigsaw puzzle


Child psychologists generally believe that parenting style adopted is primarily responsible for the behavior of children. It also affects the performance of the child in everything worth mentioning throughout his life. There has been an intense debate going on regarding the adoption of parenting styles for children’s all-round development. There are diverse opinions about any specific style to be followed exclusively for a given desired result. Although many experts recommend a judicious mix of different parenting styles for upbringing. It becomes interesting to investigate further if a judicious mix of different parenting styles brings the child closer to the desired result or adoption of any style exclusively holds the key.

Prominent parenting styles

Since time immemorial parenting ways adopted have varied distinctly from one person to another. Still, some parenting styles came into being depending on the similarities between various parenting methodologies. Although, this clubbing of similarities to form a style can vary between ethnic groups. It depends on the nature of the chosen sample as well. Some of the popular parenting styles are assertive, adjustive, and aloof.


Popular style of last few decades but presently not seen that often in practice. This style is characterized by more obsession with discipline and not with the betterment of the child. Rules of discipline are often unexplained with absolutely no scope for the child to discuss it with parents. With the development of society and a more communicative school curriculum, every child communicates more often with the parents. They want to know the reasons for behavioral rules and related expectations.

Children brought up with this style exhibit tendency to fear the authority all through their life. Moreover, the faculty of independent thinking and self-confidence remains underdeveloped. Whenever put in an independent situation, they often require time to gather to put any tangible result on the table. It is most common in families where children are taught to be simply a cog in the system where nobody wants to know about their existence but are only interested in knowing if the job assigned has been done.


Most popular style presently where kids are provided with reasons of discipline rules as well as of their expected behavior. Due to the freedom of communication, the faculty of independent thinking and self-confidence gets developed. This self-confidence becomes a great asset for every stage of life.

Children brought up with this style take authority as a friend who is there to help him if and whenever required. Whenever put in an independent situation, they exhibit the behavior of a self-starter booming with confidence and out to achieve anything under the sun. It is most common in families where children are taught to think independently, take risks, and exhibit initiative.

Children brought about with this parenting style can be spotted easily. Anyone seen questioning doctors in a diagnosis appointment or one who interacts with a cop or fireman easily has a higher probability of being brought about with this parenting style. It has been possible because he has been taught not to fear them but to take them as friends who have studied and trained themselves hard to help him.

Aloof style

This style is seen less, but it does exist. Here parents generally remain uninvolved with children for many reasons. It is generally seen in families who are either super-elite or poor, where parents value other things more and have no time to look at the upbringing of their kids. Sometimes parents remain aloof as they are not sure of what should be done in proper parenting.

Children brought about with this style are grossly independent. They often show resistance when sent for any training or coaching. Hence, they are very quickly taken as a misfit in any organization. Behavior and discipline wise their growth often appears neglected and misadjusted.

Ultimate mix

Situation is always the boss as far as adoption of parenting style is concerned. None of the responsible parents would like to leave anything to chance regarding the upbringing of their children. The most widely accepted style is where there is a mix of assertive style with the adjustive style. It is always better to train for an independent existence, but it should be well monitored. It is essential to understand that there may be specific times in a child’s life where a given style would be exclusively required. Better will be if one of the parents adopts one style and the other one a different one, and these roles can be reversed depending on the situation. It is equally important that both parents are clear about the desired result and milestones of their child’s life cycle.

There has also been a debate that parents should take external advice or decide themselves about parenting styles to be adopted in a given situation. Ideally, parents should take the call as they are more familiar with the child’s temperament and the environment in the neighborhood and school. There may be issues when in teens, and there is nothing wrong with taking the child psychologist’s advice then. It is always helpful to think about different parenting styles as it helps make one more involved and accountable in parenting. Self-reflection and talking to involved parents are always recommended and more reassuring. Well brought up children are the most significant asset for the parents. Therefore, no stone must be left unturned in their upbringing.

Nadeem Khan is an Author and Speaker based in Toronto.




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