It was the day after the shock results in the Indian general elections. The unimaginable had happened.
The seemingly invincible government of Narendra Modi had been routed thoroughly – down to a tally of just over 150 seats nationwide from the high of 303 scored in the 2019 polls. The opposition parties were celebrating wildly across the country.
There was complete chaos at the Nagpur headquarters of the RSS, the shadowy force behind the rise of Modi and his Bhartiya Janata Party to power over a decade ago. The ‘cultural organization’ that had made ‘Hindutva’ – a foreign and dumbed-down version of millennia-old Hinduism – into a winning electoral formula.
There was fear all around. Everyone spoke in whispers as if at the funeral of a notorious and very powerful feudal lord who had died mysteriously. The question on everyone’s minds was, did the election results indicate the Modi-Shah era of Indian politics was coming to an end? And that the Hindutva movement had reached its zenith?
“Ashok Chavan, Naveen Jindal, Jitin Prasada, Arjun Modwadia…. We lost because of all these bloody Congress leaders that Amit Shah insisted on inducting into the party,” fumed Pracharak Ashutosh, a full-time missionary with the RSS for several decades.
“And we picked the most rotten apples because it was easier to get them to switch sides by threatening them with ED and CBI raids. And all of them lost their seats” said Pracharak Pankaj.
“No wonder most of our veteran workers never went out to campaign for these rogues. Why should they canvas for the very fellows they fought against all their lives?” said Pracharak Ghisviskar, getting choked up.
“Wait, wait, wait. Don’t get emotional. At least half our MPs in parliament even last time were from other parties anyway. The problem is somewhere else. It is with the fact that we have been doing what we always accused the opposition of – dynastic rule, immorality, corruption and being anti-national .” said Vicharak Muktanand, an ideologue of the organisation.
“The biggest damage has been done by the ‘Devaraja’ himself,” said Sah-Sarkaryavah Godbole, the senior most among them all, in his slow, rasping voice. There was a stunned silence in the room.
“You mean Modiji, our God-King?” said a shocked Kannan, who used to be a Sah-Sarkaryavah once upon a time but was removed after getting married several years ago (natural sex being completely taboo in the RSS).
“Don’t call him Modiji anymore – he is nothing less than the avatar of Mahavishnu ever since the inauguration of the Ram temple. Or that is what he and his sycophants want everyone to believe. Power has gone to his head so completely, he has become a demon-king from Indian mythology”, said Godbole, trembling a bit with anger.
His words sunk in slowly. This was an unusual and certainly unexpected outburst from such a senior RSS functionary. There were whispers in the past too about the RSS higher echelons being unhappy with the unilateral and arrogant way Modi was running the BJP and Indian political affairs in general. The disastrous election results were now threatening to spill all the discontent out in the open.
“Yes, the image of invincibility and certain victory projected by the lapdog media has backfired spectacularly. Many didn’t turn out to vote for the party because – surely the all-powerful Vishnu could win without their humble contribution?” said Pracharak Ghisviskar in agreement.
The ageing RSS leaders, almost all Maharashtrian Brahmins, had always been wary of giving so much power to a bunch of Gujarati banias – who they held in total contempt. In the RSS tradition purity of purpose was critical – the purpose being the re-establishment of Peshwa Raj, packaged as the ‘Hindu Rashtra’ for mass consumption. The aim was to return to the glorious days when the Peshwas ruled the Indian sub-continent from Tanjore to Kandahar.
They were players in the ‘1000 year Reich’ mould and not fully impressed with the short-term gains wrought by the Gujarati mafia (as they called them in private). Yes, electoral victories, control over the state machinery, independent institutions, access to money – were important to achieve RSS objectives.
However, Modi and his side-kick Shah were too crude in their methods. The electoral bonds scam, poaching of leaders from other parties, arrest of popular opposition leaders on flimsy charges, the complete muzzling of the media, the repeated need to use communal slurs to instigate the population. The RSS folks believed that it was quiet subterfuge combined with sophisticated moral or nationalist posturing that was required to win and maintain power in a vast and diverse country like India – not a loud show of force.
In their greed and hubris Modi and Shah had ended up destroying the long-term viability of the RSS brand of politics too. Corporate money and power had corrupted much of the RSS cadre, diluting their quality and motivations. There were too many bogus ‘Ram bhakts’ around now. Most BJP leaders – whether original or imported from other parties – were only interested in furthering the interest of their families or businesses.
“The disaster is already upon us. Even if we form the next government we have been exposed as highly fallible. It is just a matter of time before our opponents attack and our followers start fleeing. What can we do?,” said Ashutosh, fidgeting nervously.
“The Gujaratis will have to step down and make way for other leaders” said Godbole.
“What leaders? Apart from Modi we don’t have anyone with mass appeal nationally at all. They have all been compromised, silenced or died long ago”, said an exasperated Muktanand.
“I get it. You are referring to Nitin Gadkari or Devendra Fadnavis – members of our own caste and clan – as an alternative. Yes, they would make ideal Prime Ministers from our point of view.” said Ghisviskar.
“Except, there is probably already a big ED file on both of them – there is nobody clean left in our organization”, said Pankaj.
“What kind of ED file? I don’t think Gadkari or Fadnavis have any record of corrupt financial dealings, as far as I know?” said a frowning Godbole.
“No, bhau. Of course not. But by ED I did not mean Enforcement Directorate. It is a medical term – ED, a terrible condition that leads good people into very compromising situations”, said a blushing Pankaj.
The reference to such unmentionable themes in a supposedly celibate organization only served to harden attitudes. Things had gone too far. Even those they had groomed for decades to run the country could easily be caught with their pants down anytime.
There was only one option now for the RSS. To take power directly without any intermediaries or fronts – something the Peshwas had always avoided from the time of the last Mughal Emperors in Delhi, whom they had propped up as puppets. However, now the situation was desperate and unprecedented.
The ‘One with the Walrus Moustache’ or ‘OWM’, their Supreme Leader, would have to take over from all these bumbling, corrupt idiots. He would surely command the respect and support of all the political parties, infiltrated as they were with RSS cadre at all levels.
“Oh my God! This can’t be true. I can’t become the next PM of India! I will have to sip wine and shake hands with women heads of state from foreign countries. That will be completely against Hindu sanskaar and traditions!”. OWM woke up with a start, sweating profusely.
He looked around – there was no Godbole, Ashutosh, Pankaj, Kannan, Ghisviskar or Muktanand. It had all been a long and bloody nightmare!
The election was yet to conclude. There was still a chance that Modi ji would deliver the goods – as he had for the last decade! The RSS could continue to operate backstage while the duo of Gujarati clowns kept the Indian masses regaled, frightened, elated or whatever it took to take their eyes off the country’s dismal present and dire future.
If the public saw through their game then the entire Hindutva experiment would collapse too. Hindutva was after all just a recycled version of the ancient Hindu concept of ‘maya’ or illusion, kept alive through sheer propaganda and mass hypnosis.
It was the people of India who were in a dream state. And the only ones awake were OWM and his band of khaki-clad bigots. All was well with the world.
OWM smiled as he went back to his state of snoring somnolence.
Satya Sagar is a journalist and public health worker who can be contacted at [email protected]
